Avyaja Karuna Murthy - 88th Birthday celebration abroad.

Aum Sri Sai Ram:

This is undoubtedly the most sacred part of the year, celebrating the Birthday of the Lord.

This year was also no exception, except a few changes that I was not in India. While I was longing to
attend the Birthday celebrations, I had no idea how could I go to the nearest Sai Center which is 40 miles away, as I had no vehicle to travel. More over, I had to work on the weekends and hence it seemed almost
sure that I was going to miss this year's Birthday celebrations.

Daily prayers were going on at my home in my Altar of Love that I created with so much or care and love for the Birthday Boy.

It was on the morning of the 20th November that I get an email which reads as follows:

Well that was a surprize for me. Bhajans? in Denton? How on earth, if not sent from Heavens??

I instantly replied saying I would be attending the bhajan. I called the Mrs Asha Tukaram and found out the address, but to my utter surprize, I found out that this place is 13 mi away from my place and it was going to be a challange to reach that place. It was not on the local bus line, and again I needed a car ride to reach there. More over, it was almost 1C through the week, meaning any adventure would be very severe on me.

I wrote a letter to Swamy praying Him to take care of my travel.

On the morning of 21st I called up Sai Gunturi, the Sai Young Adult Coordinator of Dallas region and told him the place is 13 mi away...and even before I said anything he offered me a lift saying he would come to my college and pick me up. I was so floored by this kind gesture of his.

Time quickly rolled by and in the evening it started to rain. The weather forecast showed freezing rain! Temperature was again below zero Celsius. Finally Sai and his family find my college in the heavy rain and pick me up. It was another 20 min drive before we reached the Bhajan venue.

After mangala aarathi, Mrs Asha Tukaram made an announcement.

Main altar in Sri Tukaram's residence. 

She said:

"We wanted to have bhajan at our place for the last Fourteen Years, and our prayers have been fulfilled. Earlier we used to have Bhajan on the evening of 22nd, so that it is the morning of 23rd in India, and coincides with the Birthday celebrations in Pasanthi Nilayam. This year we had bhajan atleast on 21st.
I thank Swamy for this blessing, and I thank all of you for coming from far off places."

Swamy's throne, and Birthday decorations

.

It was then another gentleman made another announcement:

I have just got an email form India from my friend and ex co-sevadal by name Bombay Srinivasan. Here it goes.

This year is a very special year as on 22nd November, it is Kartheeka Krishna Chaturthi, also known as Sankatahara Chaturthi, and Arudra Nakshatram. This is the exact combination of Swamy's birth tithi and birth star. It is very rare that both the tithi and star coincide on same day, and it has happened this year. Thus, on 22nd Nov, (21st Nov US time) is the Birthday of Swamy according to Hindu calender. 

I was so thrilled and shocked, as I actually participated in the Birthday Bhajan of Swamy, according to the actual Hindu calender! and as we know, this is globally applicable, and has no time zones, and hence we were already in Swamy's birthday! This is such a timing and placing that can only be tailored by God. As Swamy says Love my uncertainty.

Invariably bhajan was followed by Bhojan, a delicious Prasadam enjoyed with Sai family members. It wwas now I understood that the person who announced the mail form Bombay Srinivas was none other than the son-in-law of Prof Anil Kumar. Yes the translator of Swamy!!

From left: Daughter of Prof Anil Kumar, his son-in-law, myself and Satish. In the background is the silent Eternal Witness. 

Absolutely thrilled, and wonder struck I was a subject of such wonderful blessing! 

Back in Denton, I watched the live webcast of the birthday celebrations from Prasanthi Nilayam.

On the morning of 23rd, I woke up as usual, prayed to Swamy, and went to work. 

After work, in the evening again played live bhajans, and offered deepam and took photos for sharing and making the memory eternal. 

I wanted to make payasam and cake and offer to Swamy. Strangely, my friend here had invited me to her place for dinner, and at the end before I left handed over to me a boxful of 'rice pudding' and a loaf of Banana cake as a special token of love. It is needless to say that Swamy had accepted the very thought that I should make cake and payasam as Naivedyam and gave me the prasadam in physical form. He is so unique. 

As it is said, I had to come to America to actually discover Swamy. 

Jai Sairam.

The days that changed my life.

It was another Sunday morning, with the difference that we were working that day. I was anxiously checking the RadioSai and SSSBPT websites for Updates on Swamy's health, that were posted at 7AM everymorning.

It was Eight, there was no post, it was Nine, no post, Ten, no post....i was becoming more and more anxious   and was feeling a severe nerve racking current flowing.

Finally, the message was put up on facebook, that He has left the physical body.

That moment was something i cannot describe. I was shying away from looking / having eye contact with fellow Sai devotees, and colleagues. Any sign of sympathy or empathy was just needed to break it all.

Understandably though the news was out on TV, very early that day (or night itself), parents did not call me or update anything. Infact. i did not get a call from home at all.

Later the message was officially put on Radio Sai - Lord decided to bring down the curtains of this avathar. It was just the confirmation that was awaited to make it 'official'.

I remember Rahul called, I asked what is happening? He was composed / sounded composed and said 'What is happening' in a plain tone, to tally resigned to the Divine will.

'It was difficult' to out it in simplest words. Ramachandra came in to Lab. His eyes were speaking, and he was verbally silent. I held his hand and broke down. It just happened.

*He just added this - "Aditya you should be happy you have at least seen Him". Dont cry, be bold, nuvve ila ayipothe mari intlo vallaki migata devotees ki evaru cheparu?

I was not in a mood to listen to any sermon. What had happened was of a different dimension and I was not prepared for it. **

Sumana came in and I was still in tears. She too said "Chee, yedustav enti? Kallu choodu ela ayipoyayo. Yedava koodadu. Have faith"

In no time things started to get ready for the events to follow. I had not once thought to go and see 'Him' for the last time. I knew I was too weak to with stand it. The photos of His lying in state flooded the net, and I did not collect guts to look at them. Not once.

Amidst all this it was a battle within. One side was urging me not to give into emotions, I had to live upto His teaching, and remember that He is not the body, and my heart was weeping loud, excusing -"If not for Him, for whom do these eyes shed tears? If not for Him, for whom shall the self pine? "

It was a mixed 'feeling' . Anger under the influence of the Media, Cheated - as He did not return ( as if He said He would!) , and sorrow of Loosing Him and a small tinge of Joy as He had shed the frail body, into which He very kindly accommodated illnesses also! and a protest - why did You do this?

I went back home. Did not show any signs of reaction. Mother and Father knew what I was undergoing - neither did they ask, nor did I break down. I was blank.

Visuals of people queuing up to have the last sight were on all TVs. I switched on RadioSai. The live proceedings were being aired, and some of the most heart wrenching songs were being sung. But I was not to break down. I just slept on the cot, and was absorbing all the vibrations through the Radio, and was trying to come to terms with what was happening.

Mother is the most sensitive being to the Child.  May be it was Sai mother in Mom, came into my room rushing and piulled me up. She was weeping profusely, and was urging me to open up, and not to cook inside under pressure.

I knew this would happen, and I smiled to her. A sincere loving and love saturated smile. I said "I have no pain. He is God. He cannot leave us. I opened the laptop and calculated the age. Its perfection and exact concurrence with the Divine prediction has brought a smile and momentary solace. At least He has not failed on His word. I showed it to Mama. She saw and just left.

Evening special editions on Sathya Sai Baba were circulating in the market. I did not look at them, nor called or talked to any Sai Friend. I was receding more and more into myself.

Night was more arduous. But some how slipped into deep sleep. News paper had arrived, and I saw the photo of His body lying in a casket in state.

Now some thing happened. I strangely felt This is not Swamy's body!!  This is not the Swamy whom I adored - Loving sweet form...No ways, I could not have been His body...and, This is NOT Swamy.

Very passively went to office. It was feeling so numb, and everything so meaning less and trivial. My manager called me and asked if I was OK, and did I require leave to go and see Him. I said I am OK, and did not wish to go. He knew, and said OK, knowing I was not OK.

Lakhs of people were pouring into to pour their love, news about VVIPs visiting Him was on headlines. But for us the VVIP was someone completely different.

The TV commentators were saying that He would return as Prema Sai. His image was on the TV. This is a genuine thought that sprang up from within - "None can be like Him, The Avathar that just 'ascended' is like no other and nothing can be like it .

I was still not believing all this actually happening. There were curtains over the portico. I felt like a stab in the  chest! I cannot cry, and cannot withstand.

It was so bad that God whom we adored was being treated like that. How dare they go close to Him when He was 'alive' ? The images of His nose bearing plugs, shrinked hair, mouth open, as if He was mortel, whose prana had left from the mouth, and heaps of garlands placced on His chest and stomach in a disorderly way was so frustrating to look at. So called elders were no where to be seen. It was all His nephew taking the center stage.

Strong thoughts of I too leaving for Him were recurring, but I cancelled it, everytime telling myself, there would be a lot of difference the way He left and I would leave, and He would be blamed, if something of such sort happened.

It was all over on the morning of 26th. Three days passed without the sensation of hunger or desire for sleep.

I was all alone in the cab coming back home. I was thinking of Him and this time it was not paining. I was ruminating on the sweet memories He gave me. The Darshans, the chance to offer Padanamaskar,  to having been talked to...and most of all, His love that was so incomparable. A deep sense of gratitude filled my being. At least I had this opportunity when He walked the earth.

It was becoming more and more difficult. It had become a habit to wake up and read "Prasanthi Bulletin - Cheronicles of Heaven on earth" There were no Darshan Updates. By force of Habit I would log in and go to SSSBPT, only to realize the hard fact. Looking at His photos was terrible as they remineded the agony of the 'three' days or the month long yearning. Looking as His loving face was so difficult that for very long time, I got habituated to just look at the lotus Feet.

Life is not going to be same again. I knew this. It is only a matter of His compassion to shower and to wake me up. 

Feelings on the eve of Aradhana Mahotsavam

Cant believe it has been two years that You have "left".

People say time heals everything, may be, You are an exception to this - Kaalateetha!

I still miss those wonderful Darshan sessions, anxious awaiting, and craning of necks to see the
ocher robed Lord!

Your smile so sweet, gestures - inimitable, grace - Grace!

I miss that sweet form, I (we) so dearly adored.

This void will stay for a life time, for It can happen only once, and has happend with You!

How much ever sweeter and elevated Your Omnipresence could be,
but deep in my heart I crave for You, feel for you O beautiful (embodied)  Sai.

I sincerely feel and mean "darsha ke pyaase naina, saanjh savere"

I have just one thing to say - ask : "Just show up buddy"


Aradhana Mahotsavam 22/3/13

Mother...

The most beautiful expression in the Universe - "Mother". 

She God, who gives flesh and blood to the soul!

She starved to feed me,
She shivered to clad me,

She gave me her charming beauty
the handsome person I am today

She is the shield,
The protector and promoter

The wrinkles on her face tell the stories of my naughtiness
The strands of white hair are evidence of the protection she gave me

She is the eternal source of Love and Strength
The reason and essence of my life!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PB4Es309huU

Stripping a mannequin ( twice )

Today's shopping was such a wonderful experience!

 

We all landed up in a huge ladies exclusive shopping mall for buying dresses for new year.

My sister was particular about a yellow color dress, and bingo,

as we got out of the elevator, she spotted a mannequin wearing

exactly the same type of dress she wanted.

 

It is usually not expected to strip a mannequin, but despite trying about a dozen pairs (being boys, you shud appreciate our patience by now), we all felt that dress that is on the mannequin fits her best.

So we requested the store boy to please help us with that particular dress. He gladly obliged.

 

The doll was carefully moved into the changing room and

the dress was removed a new dress was put on to it.

My sister tried the yellow dress and it was just marvelous.

 

Now it was my aunt's turn to choose for her ward robe. Here comes the fun part,

I liked the new dress on the mannequin better than the one previously on it, which my sister liked!

 

I started to suggest that she (my aunt) try that dress. Now we were all in mischievous smiles, as we were asking the store guys to strip the doll for the second time, a rarity my any means.

 

As the number of dresses that were being shown was ascending into twenties, I yelled out loud that she should try the "new dress".

 

In compulsion to please the customers, the store guy again decided to give us the dressed dress.

But this time they were so very done with this menace  that

they decided to replace the gaudy beautiful dress with a night gown

 

It was absolutely hilarious to see them bring in a night gown to drape the mannequin

and unlike last time, it was all in the open, the limbs were just taken apart,

and the dress was taken off...remember its a "female" doll

 

and the dress was handed over to us for trial. Ofcourse we liked aunt wearing it and

bought the two dresses. It was first time ever that we bought dresses that was on

mannequins and on the maiden purchase, we stripped the doll twice :P

 

I leave it to you to imagine how people around and store helpers were looking at us with mischievous eyes.